


Frozen in Time

by bluedoors



Category: Perry Johansen - Fandom, Pope Francis - Fandom
Genre: Adventure, Humor, Irish, Multi, idiot, pope, potato, scifi, scyfi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7618057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluedoors/pseuds/bluedoors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When The Irish Ruler of The Sun, Jackred, meets The Queen of Mars, Katrina, things get out of hand and time is reversed. Unsure of what to do, the pair journeys to Earth in need of finding answers. The two soon find they must go through great measures in occupying their mission. On the way, they become Egyptian spies, have an interview with the Pope, meet a man obsessed with potatoes and more!<br/>Despite their differences, Jackred and Katrina are determined to reverse time. But will they be able to tolerate each other long enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

     In the midst of the Sun there lay a tired but energized Ruler Jackred. He lets out a yawn, "Another beautiful day glorifying me. " He yawns again, "Even though glorifying me is always fun, I'm very bored. I should conquer more." He sat in thought for a few minutes, "I know! I will conquer Mars!" (There is no story on how Mars got its name, no one knows, it still remains a legend to this day.)  
    Jackred tried to fly using the unexistent gravity. "I THINK ILL TRY DEFYING GRAVITY," he sang the whole way to Mars. He made it there in five minutes, which is very slow compared to an allicorn, but that's what you get when you cause an allicorn to commit suicide. "When you put it that way it makes me sound bad, he couldn't help he was so in love with me." (The narrator lets out a sigh).  
     A few feet away Jackred hears some singing. "What is that beautiful sound? It shall be mine!"  
    "I'm the queen of Mars!!" Katrina dances around flailing her arms in the air while kicking her feet in the air.  
Jackred notices how much fun Katrina is having, and decides he must conquer that fun as well. He joins in singing, "I'm the queen of Mars!" The two dance and flail their arms into the air while kicking their feet. After a few seconds Katrina sees Jackred, and immediately stops, leaving Jackred to look like an idiot all by himself. Poor Jackred.  
    Jackred stops when he notices he's the only one singing, "HA! I win!"  
Katrina crosses her arms and glares at him, "Get off my property."  
    "Only if I can conquer Mars."  
Katrina laughs at the ridiculousness which just came out of Jackred's mouth. Jackred gets very confused, but starts laughing too.  
     Katrina speaks, "You're hilarious Jackred, that is the funniest thing I've heard in five centuries." (Katrina has lived for a thousand years, when she got to her thousandth year time froze because that was the year she moved to Mars.)  
    Jackred responds, "I know right I'm so funny. Wait... What did you hear five centuries ago?"  
    "The ruler of Uranus told me about some idiot who conquered the Sun. Apparently he caused an allicorn to commit suicide," Katrina laughs knowingly. "He killed its mother and expected the allicorn to still be friends with him... Ha! He was stupid enough to even let the allicorn take him to the sun where the allicorn planned on killing him," Katrina laughs again. Her laughter dies down though, "Unfortunately that didn't happen."  
     Jackred laughs, "Ha sounds like an idiot."  
     Katrina rolls her eyes, "Why are you here?"  
     "I told you... I'm going to conquer Mars."  
     Katrina stares at him blankly.  
     "What's wrong? Is me hair growing again? It does that quite often."  
     "Um... No. You can't go up to a planet and say 'I'm conquering it!' It doesn't work like that."

      "Sure you can! Why, that's what I did with the Sun!"  
     "Well you can't do that with Mars. You'd have to defeat me first which is quite impossible."  
     "Hey! You can't talk to me that way, I am the ruler of the Sun. Bow down peasant!"  
      Katrina throws a meteor at Jackred which makes him tip back off of Mars. The next thing she does is put an invisible shield all around the planet. She then sits down, crouches over, and stares into space. (Literally).  
     "I'll be back! I have to go to the bathroom!" Jackred flies back to the Sun.  
In the next few minutes, there is a knock on the invisible shield. Katrina refuses to look. "What the heck?! It's me! Open up!"  
    "Go away Alexi! You quite annoy me."  
    "Okay well I just wanted to tell you I-"  
    "Wait! I have a present for you," Katrina gets up and grabs a bag of powder. "I got this from the crackhead who lives on Potato." She opens the force field and lets Alexi in.  
    "Um.... You mean Pluto? And yeah he died a long time ago, every inch of his body got burnt to ashes."  
    "No, I meant what I said," she says handing Alexi the bag.  
    "I don't do dru-"  
    "TAKE IT!" Alexi takes the bag a bit confused.  
    Katrina doesn't care, and once again closes the force field after pushing Alexi out the way.  
    Katrina sits back down, crouches over, and stares into space for the second time. Alexi goes back to Uranus.  
Shortly after the encounter with Alexi, Jackred returns from his bathroom break. Jackred takes out his pocketknife and cuts the shield in half.  
   Jackred grins in victory, "Ha-ha!"  
Katrina simply puts another shield around the planet. Jackred frowns and cuts it in half once again. This goes on for another few rotations around the Sun.  
Eventually Katrina gives in, "So you want to conquer Mars. Well defeat me then."  
Jackred throws flames in Katrina's direction which burn her up. "Well that was easy."  
   "Me name is Jackred Alfred, and I am the new Ruler of Mars!" Jackred takes out his pocket knife and cuts a small part of his hair off, "This piece offering is me first action as ruler."  
    He goes over to Katrina's ashes and places his hair onto them. However, right before his hair touches, Katrina's ashes disappear. "What the-"  
    "I'm not dead moron!" A voice comes from behind. Jackred drops his hair and immediately slips his pocket knife back into his lifelong pocket. He turns around.  
    "Th-that's impossible!" He exclaims.  
    "It's not, though. Oh and please get your hair off my planet."  
    "You're the most insane person I've ever met!"  
     "I am the only person you've ever met."  
      Jackred ignores her comment and continues, "Most beings would be begging for me hair to touch the surface of their planet. I mean even Mars responded excitedly by going the opposite way."  
     "Wait what?" Katrina asks alarmed.  
     "Yeah, I know it's insane right? If anything you should be praising me hair, but never touch it though, you could die from-"  
      Katrina goes to the edge of Mars. Sure enough, Mars was rotating backwards.  
      "How is this possible?!" She yells out in confusion. Her mind frantically searches for an answer.  
      "I'm not sure, I think it's because I was born with a natural star quality. A star quality so bright, even my hair glowed with power."  
      "Jackred will you shut up and put yourself to use?!" Katrina sasses him.  
      "Hey don't give me that sass, me presence is more than enough. Besides what would I be worthy enough of doing?"  
      "Answering my question! When did Mars start rotating backwards?"  
      "Uhh... Around the time I awesomely killed you. Actually, now that I think of it, it was literally right when I killed you. Ha, this planet loves my skills."  
      "Wait a second... If we're going backwards, that means time... Time is reversing!"  
      Jackred looks back towards Katrina, "So?"  
      "When you killed me, something caused Mars to reverse backwards... Oh crap, (this word has been bleeped out due to foul language), (and so has this one), (and this one), (and this one too)."  
"That's what she said," Jackred chuckles.  
Katrina glares at Jackred, but not for making such an overused joke, it's because, "YOU IMBECILE! WHEN YOU KILLED ME YOU UNFROZE MY TIME! ONCE MARS HAS ROTATED AROUND THE SUN ONE THOUSAND TIMES, I WONT EXIST ANYMORE!!!!" She yells in his face.  
      "So?" Jackred shrugs. "When you don't exist I can claim Mars as me own."  
"YOU ARE THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN!"  
      "Thanks, I get that a lot," he says flattered.  
      Katrina's eyes light up with a plan, "Okay stay here and guard this planet. I have to fix this."  
      "What? No! I am not a guard! You be the guard!"  
       Her eyes dangerously narrow at Jackred, "You kill me, reverse my time, and even HAVE THE NERVE to tell me what to do?"  
       Jackred opens his mouth to answer, "No, THATS NOT HAPPENING." Katrina clarifies and goes off to Planet Earth.  
"She did not just-" he sighs, but then his eyes light up, "I'm going to follow her." He says before quietly following her to Earth.


	1. Reversed

After thirty seconds Katrina ended up on Earth. She made sure to land in some random woods behind a house in the USA. Fifty seconds later, Jackred also lands on Earth... In New York City... In the middle of Times Square. "Hello people of the world! I am Jesus! And I have come back to save all of you!" He yells through his Irish accent floating in midair. People look up and point towards him. "But first things first, have any of you seen a woman named Katrina?"  
"My name is Katrina!" A woman with blonde hair yells out.  
Jackred looks down at her, "Nope, definitely not you!"  
"Hey! Get out of this planet! Or else we'll have to shoot you. You're obviously a threat to our world," a cop yells from below.  
"I'm afraid sir I can't do that. Although, I'm not actually scared. You see, I am here to look for a woman named Katrina. She is on a mission to reverse the rotation of Mars. It's supposed to be important, well it seems that way."  
"IF YOU DON'T LEAVE THIS PLANET IN THE NEXT FIFTEEN SECONDS WE WILL SHOOT!"  
Jackred sighs, and picks up the cop in one swoop. "PUT ME DOWN OR I WILL ARREST YOU!"  
Jackred laughs Irish giggles, "A funny lad you are! HAHAHAHA! When I go back to the sun, you can be me jester. Now tell me where Katrina is or I will kill you."  
The cop tenses, "Uh... I don't know a Katrina... There are too many to know for sure, uh what's her last name?"  
"She doesn't have a last name, she's the queen of Mars!"  
"There's a queen of Mars?!" The cop asks confused.  
Jackred sighs and drops the cop, "You're too ignorant to make a jester anyway."  
Meanwhile...  
Katrina tries to find her way to civilization. If she can find someone to help her, she might be able to reverse time back. Once she gets out of the woods, she sees a house. She goes up to the house and knocks on the door.  
"Mom?! Okay I'll get it!" A teenage girl opens the door, "Hello?"  
"Hi I'm Katrina, and I was wondering if you could help me with something..."  
"Um, Karina, I know who you are, sure what is it?"  
"Wait you know who I am?" Katrina asks frantically.  
"Uh yeah! We used to go to the same school. You were also here last night to watch a movie with Jared. Did you leave something here?"  
"No, I was just thinking... If I were to be the ruler of Mars, and freeze time so I wouldn't grow older and always be able to rule Mars, but then got killed and resurrected... When I resurrected and everything has reversed itself, how would I be able to fix it?"  
"Well according to any movie writer you ask, they'd tell you to fall in love, I mean think about it. It always ends up being the solution," Mabel says thoughtfully.  
"What is love?" Katrina asks confused.  
Mabel laughs, "Oh my goodness, that's something you would say!"  
"Why? What is it?"  
Mable sighs, "Karina, one day you'll know. I don't know why I'm telling you this because I don't even know myself."  
"No it's just the narrator putting in completely irrelevant dialogue," Katrina assures. "Anyway, where do I find this love? How should I capture it? Do I need any weapons?"  
"Depends who you want it from."  
"Um I don't really care as long as I can convert time," Katrina says tapping her foot. She really doesn't want to be wasting anymore time like this.  
"Well, name a male you personally know... one of your choice."  
"Um I only know one," Katrina says confused, "And I left him on Mars."  
"Why don't you come inside, let's not figure everything out out here," Mabel decides.  
Katrina follows Mabel inside, and she immediately hears a noise. It's on the television. Inside the magical box, is a video showing Jackred flying in New York City.  
"Oh no..." She says concerned.

"In New York City there is a man flying in the sky claiming to be Jesus. In the past five minutes he has told everyone to 'bow down you peasants'. It seems he has gotten almost every person in the city to bow down to him. Could he possibly take over our world? And is this man really who he says he is?"

"You idiot!" She yells out.  
"Uh Karina? You okay?" Mabel asks concerned.  
"The guy who was supposed to guard Mars is flying in New York City, so no I'm not okay."  
"Wait this is good! If he's the male you left on Mars you don't have to go all the way back to fall in love."  
"I'm sorry did you just say fall? Is love like a black hole?"  
Mabel stares at Katrina before laughing out hysterically, "I've got to remember that one."  
Katrina responds, "It's really not that funny."  
"Yeah I laugh at the weirdest things," Mabel says back.  
"Interesting," Katrina remarks.  
"Anyway falling in love is when you start to find this emotion within yourself for a certain person."  
"Wait so I already have it?" Katrina asks.  
"No, not necessarily. You kind of have to go through a journey with the person before it happens."  
Ding dong!  
"I'll be right back," Mabel responds. "Oh hey Karina! What's .... Wait a second aren't you in there? What the- hold up..."  
"Mabel... That's not me. I'm just here to tell you to stop talking about love. This story will not turn into one of those cliché stories. If you keep talking about this, you are going to be the character that messes up everything. Do not be that character. Here is a list of things Katrina must find to reverse Mars' rotation. Afterwards, just remember you're in a fictional story, okay? Well I'm leaving," Karina leaves.  
Mabel takes the list to Katrina. "Here are the things you need to reverse Mars. You must do it before a thousand years is over. Um... Well I mean you'll probably do it because that's a really long time. Longer on Mars... Um anyway you need to find the Pope, a Bible, and gluten-free mashed potatoes... Uh... I don't know why-" Katrina bursts into laughter.  
"Thanks, I'm on my way now."  
Katrina exits the building and flies to NYC. When she reaches time square she goes up to Jackred and slaps his face.  
Jackred looks over at Katrina, "I FOUND HER EVERYONE! THIS IS KATRINA! THE QUEEN OF MARS, ROUND OF A PAUSE PLEASE."  
Everyone is silent. Jackred starts laughing, "Now a round of applause for me!" Everyone starts clapping and Jackred bows and blows kisses to his new found audience.  
Katrina grabs Jackred's arm and flies to South America. When they end up in a barren town she starts yelling at him, "What the hell are you doing?! I told you to guard Mars!"  
"Oh c'mon, no one else even lives in the Milky Way besides the people on Earth, me, and you. What would I be guarding it from?"  
"You're wrong actually there is one other person in the Milky Way. Her name is Alexi and she is the ruler of Uranus!"  
"That's not true, because I am the only ruler of me anus! Alexi can be the ruler of her own anus! And you know what?! You can be the ruler of your own anus as well!" Jackred exclaims.  
"Not your anus as in your butt anus, I meant the planet Uranus..." Katrina responds.  
"What? I've never heard of it."  
"Really? You are the ruler of the Sun and you have never heard of the planet Uranus?"  
"That is correct."  
"Well wait, how did you know about Mars?" Katrina asks confused.  
"Through the narrator, duh."  
"But the narrator has also talked about Uranus..."  
No you're forgetting, Jackred was never there when that planet was mentioned.  
"But he knew about the Milky Way?!"  
That's because he grew up in Ireland. He had to milk his cow, so without him, there would be no Milky Way.  
"Yep, pretty much," Jackred clarifies.  
Katrina sighs, "Okay whatever, you're here now and I don't want to waste anymore time. If I told you to go back, you'd probably just argue with me which would waste even more time, so if you're going to be on Earth you need to help me find these things," Katrina shows Jackred the list.  
"The pope, a Bible, and gluten-free mashed potatoes. What the heck is a pope?" Jackred asks in confusion.  
"That would be me!" A fat guy in a robe passes by with a small hat on his head. "I am the pope. Would you like a selfie with me?"  
"No I take selfies alone. Unless you want a selfie with me," Jackred responds.  
"Listen, Jesus, you are what my people need in this world. If a selfie with you means harmony to this planet, of course I will!"  
The Pope takes out his phone from inside his sleeve and takes a picture with Jackred.  
"Come with me now," the Pope drags Jackred to the temple. Katrina sighs in frustration but follows the pair anyway.  
When the Pope goes into the temple with Jackred the people clap and cheer, "Hola mis personas buenas! Aqui nosotros tenimos fantastico Jésus! Praise!" (Credits to the narrator for español 


	2. The Pope

After thirty seconds Katrina ended up on Earth. She made sure to land in some random woods behind a house in the USA. Fifty seconds later, Jackred also lands on Earth... In New York City... In the middle of Times Square. "Hello people of the world! I am Jesus! And I have come back to save all of you!" He yells through his Irish accent floating in midair. People look up and point towards him. "But first things first, have any of you seen a woman named Katrina?"  
"My name is Katrina!" A woman with blonde hair yells out.  
Jackred looks down at her, "Nope, definitely not you!"  
"Hey! Get out of this planet! Or else we'll have to shoot you. You're obviously a threat to our world," a cop yells from below.  
"I'm afraid sir I can't do that. Although, I'm not actually scared. You see, I am here to look for a woman named Katrina. She is on a mission to reverse the rotation of Mars. It's supposed to be important, well it seems that way."  
"IF YOU DON'T LEAVE THIS PLANET IN THE NEXT FIFTEEN SECONDS WE WILL SHOOT!"  
Jackred sighs, and picks up the cop in one swoop. "PUT ME DOWN OR I WILL ARREST YOU!"  
Jackred laughs Irish giggles, "A funny lad you are! HAHAHAHA! When I go back to the sun, you can be me jester. Now tell me where Katrina is or I will kill you."  
The cop tenses, "Uh... I don't know a Katrina... There are too many to know for sure, uh what's her last name?"  
"She doesn't have a last name, she's the queen of Mars!"  
"There's a queen of Mars?!" The cop asks confused.  
Jackred sighs and drops the cop, "You're too ignorant to make a jester anyway."  
Meanwhile...  
Katrina tries to find her way to civilization. If she can find someone to help her, she might be able to reverse time back. Once she gets out of the woods, she sees a house. She goes up to the house and knocks on the door.  
"Mom?! Okay I'll get it!" A teenage girl opens the door, "Hello?"  
"Hi I'm Katrina, and I was wondering if you could help me with something..."  
"Um, Karina, I know who you are, sure what is it?"  
"Wait you know who I am?" Katrina asks frantically.  
"Uh yeah! We used to go to the same school. You were also here last night to watch a movie with Jared. Did you leave something here?"  
"No, I was just thinking... If I were to be the ruler of Mars, and freeze time so I wouldn't grow older and always be able to rule Mars, but then got killed and resurrected... When I resurrected and everything has reversed itself, how would I be able to fix it?"  
"Well according to any movie writer you ask, they'd tell you to fall in love, I mean think about it. It always ends up being the solution," Mabel says thoughtfully.  
"What is love?" Katrina asks confused.  
Mabel laughs, "Oh my goodness, that's something you would say!"  
"Why? What is it?"  
Mable sighs, "Karina, one day you'll know. I don't know why I'm telling you this because I don't even know myself."  
"No it's just the narrator putting in completely irrelevant dialogue," Katrina assures. "Anyway, where do I find this love? How should I capture it? Do I need any weapons?"  
"Depends who you want it from."  
"Um I don't really care as long as I can convert time," Katrina says tapping her foot. She really doesn't want to be wasting anymore time like this.  
"Well, name a male you personally know... one of your choice."  
"Um I only know one," Katrina says confused, "And I left him on Mars."  
"Why don't you come inside, let's not figure everything out out here," Mabel decides.  
Katrina follows Mabel inside, and she immediately hears a noise. It's on the television. Inside the magical box, is a video showing Jackred flying in New York City.  
"Oh no..." She says concerned.

"In New York City there is a man flying in the sky claiming to be Jesus. In the past five minutes he has told everyone to 'bow down you peasants'. It seems he has gotten almost every person in the city to bow down to him. Could he possibly take over our world? And is this man really who he says he is?"

"You idiot!" She yells out.  
"Uh Karina? You okay?" Mabel asks concerned.  
"The guy who was supposed to guard Mars is flying in New York City, so no I'm not okay."  
"Wait this is good! If he's the male you left on Mars you don't have to go all the way back to fall in love."  
"I'm sorry did you just say fall? Is love like a black hole?"  
Mabel stares at Katrina before laughing out hysterically, "I've got to remember that one."  
Katrina responds, "It's really not that funny."  
"Yeah I laugh at the weirdest things," Mabel says back.  
"Interesting," Katrina remarks.  
"Anyway falling in love is when you start to find this emotion within yourself for a certain person."  
"Wait so I already have it?" Katrina asks.  
"No, not necessarily. You kind of have to go through a journey with the person before it happens."  
Ding dong!  
"I'll be right back," Mabel responds. "Oh hey Karina! What's .... Wait a second aren't you in there? What the- hold up..."  
"Mabel... That's not me. I'm just here to tell you to stop talking about love. This story will not turn into one of those cliché stories. If you keep talking about this, you are going to be the character that messes up everything. Do not be that character. Here is a list of things Katrina must find to reverse Mars' rotation. Afterwards, just remember you're in a fictional story, okay? Well I'm leaving," Karina leaves.  
Mabel takes the list to Katrina. "Here are the things you need to reverse Mars. You must do it before a thousand years is over. Um... Well I mean you'll probably do it because that's a really long time. Longer on Mars... Um anyway you need to find the Pope, a Bible, and gluten-free mashed potatoes... Uh... I don't know why-" Katrina bursts into laughter.  
"Thanks, I'm on my way now."  
Katrina exits the building and flies to NYC. When she reaches time square she goes up to Jackred and slaps his face.  
Jackred looks over at Katrina, "I FOUND HER EVERYONE! THIS IS KATRINA! THE QUEEN OF MARS, ROUND OF A PAUSE PLEASE."  
Everyone is silent. Jackred starts laughing, "Now a round of applause for me!" Everyone starts clapping and Jackred bows and blows kisses to his new found audience.  
Katrina grabs Jackred's arm and flies to South America. When they end up in a barren town she starts yelling at him, "What the hell are you doing?! I told you to guard Mars!"  
"Oh c'mon, no one else even lives in the Milky Way besides the people on Earth, me, and you. What would I be guarding it from?"  
"You're wrong actually there is one other person in the Milky Way. Her name is Alexi and she is the ruler of Uranus!"  
"That's not true, because I am the only ruler of me anus! Alexi can be the ruler of her own anus! And you know what?! You can be the ruler of your own anus as well!" Jackred exclaims.  
"Not your anus as in your butt anus, I meant the planet Uranus..." Katrina responds.  
"What? I've never heard of it."  
"Really? You are the ruler of the Sun and you have never heard of the planet Uranus?"  
"That is correct."  
"Well wait, how did you know about Mars?" Katrina asks confused.  
"Through the narrator, duh."  
"But the narrator has also talked about Uranus..."  
No you're forgetting, Jackred was never there when that planet was mentioned.  
"But he knew about the Milky Way?!"  
That's because he grew up in Ireland. He had to milk his cow, so without him, there would be no Milky Way.  
"Yep, pretty much," Jackred clarifies.  
Katrina sighs, "Okay whatever, you're here now and I don't want to waste anymore time. If I told you to go back, you'd probably just argue with me which would waste even more time, so if you're going to be on Earth you need to help me find these things," Katrina shows Jackred the list.  
"The pope, a Bible, and gluten-free mashed potatoes. What the heck is a pope?" Jackred asks in confusion.  
"That would be me!" A fat guy in a robe passes by with a small hat on his head. "I am the pope. Would you like a selfie with me?"  
"No I take selfies alone. Unless you want a selfie with me," Jackred responds.  
"Listen, Jesus, you are what my people need in this world. If a selfie with you means harmony to this planet, of course I will!"  
The Pope takes out his phone from inside his sleeve and takes a picture with Jackred.  
"Come with me now," the Pope drags Jackred to the temple. Katrina sighs in frustration but follows the pair anyway.  
When the Pope goes into the temple with Jackred the people clap and cheer, "Hola mis personas buenas! Aqui nosotros tenimos fantastico Jésus! Praise!" (Credits to the narrator for español 


End file.
